The Funny Folder

Just for fun I was going through my folder in my inbox where I keep everything funny that people send me. Here are some jokes I thought were pretty good.

"Always keep several get well cards on the mantle - if unexpected guests arrive, they'll think you've been sick and unable to clean."




A man is in bed asleep with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat onthe door. He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's half pastthree in the morning. "I'm not getting out of bed at this time", hethinks, and rolls over. Then, a louder knock follows. "Aren't yougoing to answer that?" says his wife. So he drags himself out ofbed, and goes downstairs. He opens the door and there is manstanding at the door. It didn't take the homeowner long to realizethe man was drunk."Hi there." slurs the stranger, "Can you give me a push??""No, get lost. It's half past three. I was in bed," says the man andslams the door.He goes back up to bed and tells his wife what happened and she says"Dave, that wasn't very nice of you. Remember that night we brokedown on the pouring rain on the way to pick the kids up from thebaby-sitter and you had to knock on that man's house to get usstarted again? What would have happened if he'd told us to get lost?""But the guy was drunk," says the husband."It doesn't matter." says the wife. "He needs our help. The rightthing to do would be to help him."So the husband gets out of bed again, dresses, and goes downstairs.He opens the door, and not being able to see the stranger anywhere heshouts: "Hey, do you still want a push??" He hears a voice cry out,"Yeah, please."So, still being unable to see the stranger he shouts: "Where are you?"And the stranger replies: "I'm over here, on your swing."




My wife and I, both graduate students, recently celebrated the arrival of our first child. At my wife's insistence, we had paid our entire medical bill and were now worried about meeting other payments. We were discussing our sad financial situation one evening when our son demanded a diaper change. As my wife leaned over the baby's crib, I heard her mutter, "The only thing in the house that's paid for, and it leaks."